Truth Vs Honesty Vs Silence

It seems my life is full of paradox no matter how I look at things. City vs Country, Money vs integrity. I guess this black and white of the world can be refreshing. Wouldn't it be nice if there were only two inevitable choices? My life would be easy if it were just white or wheat-- not bagel foccia or pita!

Life isn't so simple. Life is a swirl of color. Chaos. Sometimes they blend beautiful. Sometimes there is a sharp edge from the contracts. Many times, one color just dominates to a point where the other colors are forgotten. They are still there but go almost unnoticed. Unnoticed until some silly soul realizes if it weren't for the background color-- there wouldn't be a dominate color. Life isn't simple and neither are teenagers.

I know Julien is telling me "half truths". How do I know? It's a mom thing. It's because I know who he is hanging around with. It's because I have eyes of my own.

Because I'm getting "half truths", I am finding it hard to believe a lot of things with him and it makes me want to cry. I am in a great deal of pain over this.

We had a talk with him last night just to review the rules. The general stuff-- call and let us know where you are and who you are with; Check in after school; don't assume, call and ask. And if not you will loose privileges.

But I know in my heart, if he would be able to tell us the whole truth, he wouldn't be having these behavior issues. If the truth were out, he could be honest with us about the little stuff too.

I have tried to give him opportunities to talk with me about these "half truths", but so far he is unwilling to open up. Okay, everyone has stuff they like to keep to themselves but I cant help but feel a bit betrayed. We've been an open book with him, and he just can't be that way with us, but he can with (some) his fiends at school. I wonder if he has these same "half truth" issues with his own parents.

And the thing is-- this is one of those issues you really can't just call out. There are only about 3 or 4 things I can think of that you can't call out and this is one of them. It is sooo one of them I cant even put it in the blog! But it is right up there with-- okay here is my problem-- I could probably bring up every thing else but this. Ekkk, I hate knowing so much.

The other think about this half truth is that I have known it for about 3 weeks. I have brought it up on more than one occasional. I have given him advise on how to handle thing that may come about because of this-- I don't know if he knows that or not-- but I have. I'm pretty sure he has opened up to a certain group of friends at school. Does he even remember I suggested these people to him? I guess I should be happy he has friends to count on-- the only thing is I also know these kids, they could turn on him. He doesn't see that because he is caught in the moment. I am afraid these friends out here are keeping his "half truths" to be cool, not because they really care about him. I could forbid him to be with that crowd-- the crowd who knows the whole truth-- but I don't think that would be productive.

Maybe that is the point. If he had to open up to people who really cared about him, he'd have to honest with himself too. Bummer. Then again, maybe I'm giving him too much credit.

Still, knowing he is only telling me what he thinks I need to hear makes me wonder what other half truths I'll get.

So is a half truth dishonest. If you don't answer the question directly are you lying?

And what if others are talking about the half truth? What if there are people telling you things because they think you need to hear them? I just want to tell them to shut up!

In alcoholic families they say your are only as sick as your secrets. I hope this little hang nail doesn't fester and become infected. It would be silly if it did. I do know the whole truth, regardless of what he tells me. So the problem becomes we are building a wall, brick by brick-- based on something we both know but are unwilling to share. Sad. Life is pandemonium.