So my son comes home from school yesterday.
"Mom, I need to see the school counselor"
"Why"
"Because I'm being picked on in gym class"
I guess this whole thing has been going on since the beginning of the year, but my son was trying to handle it himself. Unfortunately, it got physical and he actually had to go see the nurse.
RUSH
ANGER
RAGE
Why the hell should my son see the counselor? What did he do? It's not bad enough he is being hit and kicked and punched, now he has to be some freak and go talk to some one about it? GREAT!!!!
I called the school and the principle was very helpful.
Okay, I can see she wants to make sure that my son is being heard.
(that is why she wants him to talk to the counselor)
Okay, I can see how the counselor can help give my son tools to deal with these punks.
Okay, she has talked to the bullies and to the teacher.
Okay, they are starting an anti bully program at school.
Okay, my son likes the principal and feels she is on his side.
These are all positive things, yet I still feel angry.
Bulling is a 15 15 70 thing
15% of kids bully
15% of kids get bullied
70% can change that by speaking up and getting involved.
Zach feels he is being picked on because he sees things differently. He is a very bright boy -- kind of on the small side-- friendly and get along well with others--ya, I guess I'd hate him too, but not enough to push him down or kick him in the back of the head.
My husband and I offered to help with the education -- being in scouts, he may have some good resources, being in rotary, we may have some funding.
We also spoke with our son about being part of the 70%-- about making sure he sticks up for the other kids who get bullied. I tried to give him some tools for that. I know for him, he likes to feel empowered-- I guess we all do. Maybe this will help too.
He was glad I spoke with the principal. I hope things go better for him today. I was so angry about all this, and my son thought i was angry at him. I wasn't. I just really wanted it to be like the old days-- you know, if you are getting picked on you find some one bigger to punch the biggest guy out and then everything is okay... it doesn't work like that any more I guess.
11 comments:
Amen
I so hear you
This happened to my daughter by a gang of girls in grade 7.
She was the smart,gifted, barbie doll type.
I ended up going to the school to complain and they also started a antibully policy which all the parents were forced to sign. As well as the students.
I actually sat with the 2 ring leaders girls in the group in front of the parents, and one of the parents said to the girl
"How does it feel to have a parent sitting here who really doesn't like who you are , and what you have done to her daughter"
She couldn't even look me in the eye.
As a "mother bear" , you want to rip into them
But, my daughters best revenge was being school valedictorian and made a speech in front of the school
with the little bullies sitting front row
A sight I will never forget.
I know part of this is the age-- but my God-- who do these kids think they are?????
Glad to know your daughter did well. I have heard of kids (locally) being put in to the hospital due to the stress brought on by bullies!!!! i dont want that to be my child
The Child was bullied at her first school. I feel your rage. Between you and me, I still hate the punks that did that to her. Hate. Them. Frakking little frakkers.
In our case, the school only gave lip service to helping. They made time for The Child to see the school counselor "to give her tools".
I remember one time totally losing it with the counselor because everything was being put on her - to report, to stand up for herself. I screamed, "The point is SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE REPORTING! YOU NEED TO STOP THE F*&#ING BULLIES!"
They never did. We left. I still hate them.
Sorry. Climbing off the soapbox.
((((your son & you))))
Ya, the counselor thing really ticked me off (and still does a bit)-- but after talking with the principal, I calmed down a bit-- they send EVERYONE to the counselor bullies included-- think its a cya thing.
thanks for the hug :)
Hey Mouse, that's terrible! What kind of anti-bullying program are they starting? There's a big difference between a proactive program and reactive one.
You know, given what you said about ALL parties seeing the counselor, I think it can actually be a good thing. I mean, of course, the responsibility should not be on your son here, they need to take action and stop this shit, period. But, talking to the counselor, besides giving him tools, will give him a connection the adults in the school, which can make him feel empowered. Your son is not a freak for connecting with the counselor, it may help him to not feel helpless, and will give a connection for anything else that comes up in school. Of course, this assumes that the other kids are going -- those guys really need some intervention, not just from counselors, but the principal as well.
I'm really sorry this happened -- I know when things have happened to my kids (nothing physical since the girls were in 2nd/3rd grade, thank goodness) it's just enraging, as a parent. Like, ok, I know they're just kids, but is it really so wrong to want to rip their heads off?
Have you heard of the Challenge Day program? http://www.challengeday.org/ It is a really successful program that has had amazing results at schools. It does cost $$, but if you could get the funding, it's a wonderful program. I think they'[ve got video clips on the site. One of my friends had the opportunity to participate in one, and she said it was absolutely WOW, the effect it had on the kids. And I mean kids who had been in conflict, big jock kids, kids from different cliques.
good luck, keep us posted.
I really love that whole 70% thing you were teaching him.
My problem is that since I was in the receiving 15%, I jumped at the chance to be on the giving 15%, just because I could.
That was wrong.
Cowbell-- it is like minded parents like you that keep me going. and if it is wrong to want to rip their heads off then put me out too! The program is through DCFS -- I will look this one over and forward it to the principal, she is very openminded.
JP-- maybe with you it was 50/50 you were bullied or being bullied!
..and now for the news you may not want to hear.
Bullies only EVER pick on people they think won't fight back.
Next time the son is confronted,I suggest that,without a moments hesitation,he head butts the little bastard square across the nose...End of confrontation.
He may take a few days suspension.I don't know.But the bullies will absolutely move on to weaker targets..It's what they do.
Sling- Balahhh haaa haa haa haaa!!! I laugh only because when this happend, my first reaction was (and i quote) "F*ck that s*it!!! Boy you need to find the bigest one and bunch in square in the nose as hard as you can and keep punching untill the peal you off of him or you off the ground", my husband told me to stop. one day i'll blog why that was my gut reaction. my son said no, as a matter of fact he was upset to think i would want him to stoop to that level --- arrrggg i raised him correctly, i guess
i will share this experience. we had an anti bullying program at our school and it was awful. all parties and their parents sat in a meeting ith the counselor, teachers and principal. we got all touchy feely with each other. by the end of the meeting the bullies were pissed about being there and already plotting revenge against the victims. i'm so glad i'm a grown-up now.
Only ever faced the emotional bullies when our girls were at school but the effect was devastating to the point we would sit outside the school and she would cry and plead not to go in. One day I took her home as she was in too emotional a state to see the principal or to even leave alone while I did. The next day I spoke to the prinicipal who informed me that he had had a few of the mothers come in with the same complaint about the same girl...thanks a lot Principal... it was dealth with but should not have taken so long...
But Sling's advice resonates with a primal part of me...too
Maybe "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" can work... especially if that person is a foot taller... hm
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