I am currently very disappointed in the turn my midlife crisis has taken. Depression. I am not use to being sad. I am not use to being depressed and to be honest it sickens me to see me this way -- which makes me depressed.

Currently, I am trying to change my depression and lack of motivation into anger and maybe even rage -- which for me usually leads to action. Unfortunately, this will have a negative effect on other members int he household as I pound on doors and floors, break dishes against the wall for no apparent reason, and have various temper tantrums regarding the state of our home.

You see, they will think it is totally about them not doing things like their own dishes, or doing the laundry, or expecting me to be everything to everyone with no time to myself ( Ok, that was passive aggressive, sorry, it is the depression)

In all reality it is about me, because if I don't like the way things are going -- I have to change them (meaning me) or accept them (meaning me again)

I know truly this is all about how I view what is going on in my life. I could never expect anyone to be anybody except exactly who they are.

The kids are no longer babies, they are young adults -- their grades are not my grades -- they are their grades --

My husband can be no more than who he is unless he wants to change -- and I think he is pretty happy not to change-- better to be where you are then to face the unknown -- that is who he is -- very different then me. I love him but I can not expect him to change.

So --- I will do my best to work on this and move on. Like all things this too shall pass. I just hope it is sooner than later --- and
WTF
I need new dishes anyway! (SMASH)