So I realize I am just not inspired.
I have a job. I am grateful for my job.
I hate having a job.
I like having a purpose.
I am more than my job. I just need to keep that in mind.

I have not been late on a bill for over 12 yrs. That may change. My husband's hours have been cut, my hours have been cut. We cut the kids extra curricular activities -- no dance, voice, piano.

I've cut out drinking -- I only drink what I like and I can't justify spending the cash on my Level or my New Castle Brown Ale, so I will just do without -- bummer.

My husband is majorly depressed, and is frozen by fear. He won't move. He knows he needs to do something but change is paralyzing him. He does not think his shop will be open in 30 days. He will be out of work after 27 years. I will write his resume and send it in today --- I just hope he gets an interview somewhere.

I am, we are, in the same position as many of our friends and neighbors. It is the state of the world.

Today, one of my manditory days off at work, I will pick up some equipment from a DJ friend of mine. What I would love to do is take out the credit card, take the train to the city, stop at the Russian Tea Room and drink the day away. I would rather go and shop and eat and flirt and drink and get my nails done. But I wont. What I will do, is get out of my comfort zone. In order to pick up the equipment I need to get out of my comfort zone. I hate driving to areas I am unfamiliar with. I will do it because my family needs me to do it and because I need to do this for my family. I will pick up the equipment, and I will start to record some scrips and send them to a sound engineering student I know. I will then send out my voice locally to "volunteer" to do some free public service announcements to expose myself (I LOVE exposing myself! hahahha). The hope is after a few free jobs, I may get a paying job or at least an audition/ interview. Because, maybe, there is a purpose. Right now the hope of purpose will have to be enough.