Friends Family

What a great week it has been. I sometimes am just amazed how lucky I am considering my dysfunctional family.

Last Friday, my hubby took me and the kids to Jammin at the Zoo to see the Gin Blossoms. It's interesting; my husband knows I'm the girl who has to be at the front of the line. I'm the girl who loves to dance, to stay to late, the one who has to meet the band. Yet, he puts up with my flirting and conversation and movement. He really does love me for me! And he knows I'm going home with him.

I danced and drank and danced a bit more. I had a wonderful time. My daughter loved the fact that I wouldn't let her leave my side. My son loved the autograph he got from the opening band members-- and the kiss he got from their groupie.

Next, my friend from high school Jack came into town with his wife and their daughter. Our home is their home for the next week or so. We went out to Second City and then to a bar. Once again, my personality took over again. I needed every autograph of every actor and actress. That was all good with my hubby-- until I had to get the piano players John Hancock. And even then it was good. He gave me my chance to flirt before he reminded me it was time to go.

Then there was the serious side of things. I was asked by my guests how I do it. How do I stay in touch with my alcoholic father? How I could be nice to him. How can I talk to him like he didn't hurt us? She confessed that she just couldn’t do it and it felt like he was still hurting her.

Guilt sucks. I don’t do guilt.

I don’t really know how I do it. I just know who he is...an alcoholic. I know who I am --the daughter of an alcoholic who has done okay. I don’t expect him to be anyone else. I will never have a dad like other kids did. I don’t know what it's like to live in a real family. I don’t know what it is like to be without the drama. I just know the drama is done, and I don’t want to bring it into the lives of my kids.

So with that in mind I gave my fiend the good and bad of it. I can’t change my dad. He will always make those same decisions and same mistakes. Even his long sobriety won’t make him any smarter. It will just make him sober. I don’t try and read anything into it. I do my best to love him unconditionally. Yep-- not for things he has done or those he hasn't done. It just wouldn’t work. He really isn’t that great of a guy. But, he had a part in putting me here. For that, I am grateful. I have a wonderful life-- and he contributed some DNA to that. Hey, I'm not the one to judge him. There are others who can do that. I'll just love him-- I didn't say like, respect, agree, or admire. Love-- a whole different thing.

Maybe that’s why I flirt, and drink and party and need to be the center of attention—because of my daddy’s lack-there-of. Well so be it. The thing is that I found someone who knows me and loves me anyway. And if my husband can do that for me, why can’t I be open enough to do that for my dad? It’s not about what I can’t or don’t do. It’s just about being open to love.