Karma, confessions and cake

My blogging has taken a back seat these last few weeks. Life moves so fast and I have found every distraction I can so that I don't have to deal with the seriousness of my employment situation.

Being self employed, life can really suck when you watch the bank account go down to $0 and wonder when the next check will come in.

So here is my confession--- I have not been a good blogger. Ive been self centered. I haven't told the stories i wanted to or shared enough on this great blog-- Ive been too busy distracting my self from the things that are important to me.

Ive never been in a bad mood for this long, it is strange to me. I know the big thing about it is my husband _____ ARE YA READING THIS SWEETIE???? He has been very jealous of the amount of time I spend on line, with the foreign one, away from him, you name it, he gets jealous-- even though I've been faithful to him alone for 10 years. He is very insecure as of late. I've been trying to pay some additional attention to him in the hopes that it would help, but let's face it our self worth is just that "self" worth. In the end, outsiders can make us feel better, but we are the only ones who can truly make ourselves whole.

For some of us that comes with a sense of purpose, for others, their relationship with their creator, I can't say what it is for everyone--- but it shouldn't be about someone else, 'cause if it is we will be let down.

There--- my confession, I haven't been good at much of anything lately and so I have retreated into a world of mindless surfing on the net. Well, I have written some poems but I don't think much of them,

so anyway,

what to do?

Well I'll tell you what I'm going to do-

Karma---- I'm going to stop thinking about me today and work on a few project that arn't about me. I've got stories to write for my class newsletter --- BTW I graduate from that leadership school at the end of the month-- I have some church minutes to get out, I have a house to clean and eBay stuff to get online. So today I will do things for others, I will turn away from self, and help out those around me. Maybe by the end of the day, I will then have the self esteem I need to get back into my blog the way I want it to be--- my look at the world -- my record of history--- my attempt to bring on a bit of sunshine into the world to make you think feel and cry when needed. Oh, and I want to get back to finding great blogs to share too.

I started this yesterday. Yesterday I baked. I baked for my family. I still have a few more thing to make, but i know what my family likes --- cake--- so that i don't forget what is important to me--- I made chocolate cake!

Thanks for listening guys