Well truth be told, my life feels less then stellar right now. I meet with an attorney this weekend. Not what I want to do, but what I have to do for my son.
My home life could be better. I love my husband but we can't seem to get on the same page about anything. We don't talk about it. We don't fight about it. I am just hoping it has to do with the accident and how hard it has been on both of us.
But like me--- like I have always been-- I have a plan. My plan was put on hold because of my son's accident, but I'm putting it back in action.
For better or worse, when my life has gotten like this in the past I find it best for me to think about me instead of everyone else. I need to remember I am a wonderful woman who can do anything she puts her mind to. Being a wife or a mom is a part of who I am but it does not exclusively define me. And weeks like this, it just disappoints me.
I still have allot of living to do. I have so much to learn. And I need to start living again. When I am happy with myself, I tend to give more. Right now I am so sad I feel I have nothing to give.
So I am working on me again. I am on the treadmill 30 minutes every day == 2 miles 200 calories if you believe the read out. I am listening to this CD about maximum memory. I will find the time to take the placement test so I can start school. I think the first class will be a for credit music or writing or speaking course-- something I like.
Friday I head into Chicago for a mental health day. I'm shopping, I'm going to a concert with a girlfriend. I'm going to find someplace nice for lunch and someplace nice for dinner and a great book so when I eat by myself, I am reading something that intrigues me and teaches me something (I'll take suggestions on that one)
This is who I'm seeing with my new BFF Paula-- this song really got to me. Why? because about two years ago-- the last time I felt like this, I wrote something similar to this in my journal.
Sometime you feel so numb inside--- it feels like you need a bomb to go off to wake you up. You just want to feel again... I spoke with a few of my girlfriends and they seem to understand... I hope you do or don't -- If you get what I mean.
5 comments:
Sometimes,you just gotta step outside yourself,and take a look in.
Have a great mental health day kid!
i hope it helped you going to the city! kinda what i could need right now.. just walking around chicago the whole day.. never stop to do anything else, just walking thorugh town.. chi-town.. our town.. life is big wheel and it'll all turn back for good again, believe it or not.. cuz it might sound stupid out of a mouth of a 19 year old ^^
really hope that things will get better for you! love ya
your son
I've definitely felt that way before. I hope happiness returns to you soon!!!! A little "city therapy" never hurt. :)
I SO get what you mean (sorry?)! I am right there with you Citymouse! As I said in a recent post of mine: "Rock & roll lock & load!" An old fogie's way of saying exactly what you just said!
You can always give me a shout for dinner in the city.
I hope you're feeling better soon!
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