You can find the artist here. http://jordache.deviantart.com/art/smile-69870313#
My three day weekend had its good parts, it okay parts, and it's bad parts (the duck was bad). The fact that I spent less time with my new friend then I had hopped was also bad. I hope to make another date with her so we can just linger over candlelight and conversation with less time restraints and distractions.
What real gets me is my lack of desire to come back home. I don't think it has ever been this bad or this real.
I have given up on asking the husband and the kids for help around the house. They don't or wont so why make my self more upset. If I want it clean I will clean it my self, my way and then just tell them to pick up after themselves in an effort to keep it that way.
I hope to find some time to actually register for school in the spring. Again, I may meet with resistance as this will take time away from the family. But I am afraid it is how it will have to be. I can not continue to be stagnate. I have to find myself again. My creative outlet use to be my work and the time I could give to various organization. These things only leave me feeling empty and cold. I want to feel -- but not like this.
Am I being selfish? I guess. But I can not rely on the world for my happiness, my peace or my orgasms. They are mine-- I need to take full responsibility for where I am in life and being that I am less than satisfied I need to change my station and my situation.
I'm off to run a couple of miles-- as I have been doing for the last two months now. And then I will read something inspirational or educational for 15 minutes. Then laundry, pack lunches and off to work.
And I will smile until the smile comes back again.
My three day weekend had its good parts, it okay parts, and it's bad parts (the duck was bad). The fact that I spent less time with my new friend then I had hopped was also bad. I hope to make another date with her so we can just linger over candlelight and conversation with less time restraints and distractions.
What real gets me is my lack of desire to come back home. I don't think it has ever been this bad or this real.
I have given up on asking the husband and the kids for help around the house. They don't or wont so why make my self more upset. If I want it clean I will clean it my self, my way and then just tell them to pick up after themselves in an effort to keep it that way.
I hope to find some time to actually register for school in the spring. Again, I may meet with resistance as this will take time away from the family. But I am afraid it is how it will have to be. I can not continue to be stagnate. I have to find myself again. My creative outlet use to be my work and the time I could give to various organization. These things only leave me feeling empty and cold. I want to feel -- but not like this.
Am I being selfish? I guess. But I can not rely on the world for my happiness, my peace or my orgasms. They are mine-- I need to take full responsibility for where I am in life and being that I am less than satisfied I need to change my station and my situation.
I'm off to run a couple of miles-- as I have been doing for the last two months now. And then I will read something inspirational or educational for 15 minutes. Then laundry, pack lunches and off to work.
And I will smile until the smile comes back again.
1 comment:
I know this can't possibly mean much - but I'm right there with you.
I can not put me on hold for the sake of others any longer. No more.
Neither should you. Just please try realy hard to stop feeling guilty about it, OK?
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