Monogamy
I find this one of the most interesting concepts. Personally I have never been fond of monogamy. Yep that's right--- I said it! The good Christian girl said it. I practice monogamy and for the past 10 years I've passed the test! But that is not to say I think it works or is the best thing for everyone.
Many people in the world don't walk the talk on this one.
We love the dream of the perfect person, the idea of the ideal. We fall in love, and it is all googly eyes and music and butterflies. And the sex is great. Yep, the sex is new and exciting and the relationship is new and exciting and then, you get to know each other.
This get-to-know-each other is a good thing. You learn and grow together. The relationship strengths. Each of you start to change. If not change, there is at least compromise. Very cool stuff.
Then there is the other side of that coin.
The relationship, once fresh and exciting, is dull. It is a chore. It becomes work. It has less benefits then before. The bad seems to outweigh the good. Next the arguments begin to intensify. One or more person digs in their heals. People begging to look for something different all together, or look for something to fill the gaps on what is lacking. If the relationship does not end, and the search for something exists, there goes the monogamy!
Do people really desire monogamy?
I guess that would depend on who you ask.
Let's be honest here for a minute.
If you can't get everything you need from one person and it was okay with everyone involved, why not get what you need from several different people. Would that be such a horrible thing?
Personally-- I think it would be the most honest thing in the world.
Most people are just not that honest. They cant handle that type of honesty. Especially after many years together. The whole relationship would then take on a different dynamic. There would be jealousy and depression and misunderstandings. Okay, but at times things can exist in strong relationships too.
If some one decided in the mist of a relationship they need to find something more with out telling their significant other they are riddled with decision and choices and many times guilt if they don't take the high road of honesty.
Do you think people say to themselves, "I don't want to hurt my partner, so I'll just go behind their back, get what I need and it will all be okay."?
Is it the deceit that is the problem? Is the infidelity just a manifestation of the lack of honesty?
The older I've become, the more I think about this.
I see partnerships/relationships/marriages end. I see the perfect couple is not so perfect. Old flames come out of the woodwork after 20 years to see what you've been up to -- or you Google the name of the one that got away.
Risk versus the reward. By staying, am I settling for less then we want, or are we working at the relationship? We know we will be tempted, but will it be beyond what we can bare? Maybe it is just about appropriate boundaries. But even with those, there can be misunderstanding with couples when a "friend" becomes very close.
One final note
There is a brief article and encourages woman to find relationships with other woman to help fill in the blanks in a lagging relationship. In my opinion it is very chauvinistic and conservative point of view. It just looks at the traditional relationship. Friendship out side a relationship help, but the are no substitute for that deep emotional bond many of us seek. He uses the phrase 'unromantic man' Sorry, but my girlfriends wouldn't be a good substitute for that --- um.... wrong parts!
6 comments:
We both made a very heavy post about relationship today
I'd like your opinion on what i just wrote
I will be back to look more at this one
but I am wondering if you are talking about your own situation or relationship in general
wow Mouse, you probably wrote what a lot of people don't say out loud. I think in reality, monogamy doesn't often truly work, but in our minds/hearts, we always hope (and believe) that our particular situation is different, the exception. Even many of the situations that appear to have escaped it, only appear that way because one of the couple has a secret they've chosen to keep.
Now that I'm older, in hindsight, I see things differently. I ended a marriage over infidelity, but it was a rather severe case of it. Even then I didn't end it lightly or immediately. I wonder now, had societal expectations and norms been different, could it have had a different outcome? I think if people handled our love relationships more like our friendships, that might be a good thing. We can have more than one friend, they meet different needs, it's in the open, and that's OK for everyone. Our lovers though, that's a different thing, and I wonder why. Some of it, I actually think has to do with practicality, finances, the future, retirement ... all that mundane stuff, but our friends are not tied to us financially, whereas partners are, so if something rocks the relationship, it's also rocking our potential future. We have more to lose.
Whew, that was longwinded, but anyway, you wrote an honest post about a subject that's far from black and white.
tk-- thanks for reading and commenting.
cowbell, thanks for commenting. I think people have strong feelings on this subject -- no one likes to feel lied to -- but i like your points too.
"Most people are just not that honest. They cant handle that type of honesty"
Girl, you just blew my mind. I happen to agree with you 110%! (that extra 10% is on account of me being half gay and so I have no problem with similar parts)
Hat... may I just say I am envious! I am open minded and i find woman so sexy and beautiful but not in that way, if I did I would... well.. that may be a whole other post! Most of my friends think I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body -- what ever that means!
Agreed -- the lying is crux of it, I think, for most people. It's the betrayal more than the actual sex.
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