Work shouldnt make you cry

Ok, at work today, I almost cried.

It wasn't anything uncommon. A customer called in and told me I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. They said if would listen and wouldn't argue with her I would be able to do my job.

I didn't want to cry then. Nope not at all. I wanted to call that woman a stupid fucking self centered bitch, but I didn't do that either.

Instead, I said --"Oh you are so right, now I understand. Let me transfer you to the department that can help you."

Well you guessed it correctly. At no point did I argue with her. I did my job every step of the way. She was less then familiar with our web site. When I indicated that she may need some help, I was argumentative and not doing my job. Yah--- that is sooo me!

But I digress. This is not why I almost cried. I almost cried when I realized that the company I work for prides itself on making you feel wrong.

The language of the company I work for is a language of blame and negativity. We don't talk about production goals. We are instead -concentrate on 80% of average. You know at what average is, don't you? It is the best of the worst and the worst of the best. We are then error ed when there is a problem. As employees we need to error each other -- find the fault! Who did it? Who can we blame? It make me sad.

You see I run this business called life. In this business I have my team-- my family and friends. They do not get errored. You know what they do? They fall and get back up and learn. That family of mine grows!!! I think that is what every company really wants -- but you can't expect people to grow from fear and fault and guilt.

I keep thinking there is a higher purpose. There is a reason I am here and it is a part of the divine plan of the universe.

And then I think, maybe I am here because I think too little of myself to move on.

All I know is this... If the lottery ticket in my hand is a winner for more than $500,000 -- I will take a l o n g leave. I will take all my vacation days, and ask for a leave of two years. I will claim mental health issues due to job retaliated stress. If after two year, I find then ends truly justify the means, I will return to my job.

If not, they can kiss my fucking ass.