Before my divorce, I sought the advise of friends. Most of my friends told me to stick it out because this man was the father of my children, and a super nice guy. He didn't drink and he was a hard worker-- why divorce?
Then I went to grandma. Grandma was in bed, on oxygen weighting all of 80 pounds.
She told me she couldn't tell me what to do, but i was the only one who knew what was right for me.
Annamarie, you don't want to be some old lady on your death bed with a head full of regrets.
I think about that almost every day of my life. I don't want to regret something have done or something I have not done.
Watching young people around me know, i want to pound that advise into them, 'cause you see, I have certain responsibilities and obligation and if i don't fulfill those first I will have regrets....but
If i didn't
If I had my youth and my knowledge back
there are a few things id do differently
I'd learn another language
I'd learn to play an instrument
I'd talk to more strangers
I'd learn to spend time alone in thought
I'd learn to get along with different types of people
I'd go out more
I'd find more stuff Ive never done b4 and do it
I'd write every day--- even if it was only about the weather
I'd kiss more boys for the sake of kissing them
I'd get so many scholarships I could choose wherever I want to go to school
I'd travel at the drop of a hat
I'd work and spend my money on the things listed above instead of cigarettes and zingers.
The cool thing, is I can still do many of these things-- just not as whimsically as I once could have because of the obligations that I have. Those of you who are single can at least be thankful that you dont have anyone to answer to but yourself!
For example, I have an opportunity to go to England next year-- free-- for a rotary thing. With as insecure as my husband is feeling, I don't think I can even ask him. It's a bummer, but I have an obligation to my marriage and kids-- of course if it was for them, i'd so let them go, but they need me a bit more than I need them, so I don't even know if I'm going to talk to him about it.... I may live to regret that.
The not so cool thing is all the young people I see not living life to the fullest. They aren't in the mood, they don"t see the value, they don't know that this time ...every time... is sooo cool to be living. Yep, it's just as cool to be 39 as 19-- every stage has it benefits.
I wish I could show them how to enjoy it with out appearing like I'm nagging. I wish I could engage them so they can feel the full joy of a full life. I keep trying, so I wont be on my death bed with a head full of regrets. Just a head full of very good memories.
17 comments:
I can totally relate to what you are saying, and alot of your list, is mine.
Live everyday to the fullest
So I don't understand, are you married or did you divorce?
I think the best thing you can do for those kids is model the value of living life to the fullest. If they see you embracing opportunities and making the most of your gifts and passions, they'll get the idea. Eventually. You rock.
(Go to England, btw).
Tkkerouac-- divorced (twice actually-- high school sweetheart after a year and the father of my two beautiful kids after 5 years) I am now remarried to a wonderful man who i belive is my soul mate...even if he is a pain in the ass half of the time. We have been together now for 9 1/2 years (this year will be 5 years married)
Lorraine-- ok.. how would you tell your husband youre leaving him for 2 months?
Go to England!
Yes! Yes you can do a lot of this stuff. So, get on with it. Write every day. Talk to more strangers. Learn to speak French and play an instrument. Go girl!
Wow.
I think that so often. I don't want to die with regrets.
thank you for sharing this!
Mouse, another wonderful, touching post. Gandhi said that we must be the change we want to see in the world. So if you want kids to enjoy things in a certain way, just continue behaving that way yourself. We all teach by example. And it's the best way.
2 months is a long time...PJ regularly goes away for 2-3 days or a week doing music or plays. She was away for nearly 3 weeks one summer. If you believe he will be threatened (etc.) by your going to England, take him along...or don't go. What is more important?
And yes, by all means, chat with the guy on this...NOW!
"Honey, I love you to death and I know that you love me and want nothing but my greatest happiness and fulfillment. I have an opportunity to go to England for 2 months and you know I've always wanted to go there. So I'm leaving on the xth of Y and will be back on the nth of Z. There's mac and cheese in the pantry and I made 412 lasagnes and put them in the freezer for you. Make sure the kids brush their teeth".
'K. That might need some work but it's a start...
Because, she added after rethinking the original post, wouldn't you have a terrible regret that you didn't go when you could? And would he want you to have that regret? I gotta think the answer is 'no'.
I'm sure there's tons about your personal situation that I don't know so I'm not going to make assumptions but it does seem to me at the very, very least that you have to discuss the option with him. You can't make assumptions about how he's going to react. It's not fair to him. And not discussing it...when it could lead to you being able to go...is totally not fair to you.
Pardon me. My soapbox is now required elsewhere.
Lorraine,
Ya, i know i have to talk with him and lets face it, I am woman, I can bitch if all else fails. I'm going to talk with him soon, It is a great opportunity for me-- I hope he'll see that-- and hey-- I can do a bunch of stuff for the freezer!
Just wanted to let you know that Im naked. Will this help me find a husband?
What do you think of the Dove ads I posted, would like your opinion.
Good and bad, if not for "everything" I've been through, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Some day when I wash up upon the shores of old age I plan on having a wine cellar filled with tasty memories to enjoy.
I'm conducting an important readers poll, can you spare a minute?
It's only for two months? GO.
And they should come over for a visit during your stay. Good for the whole family.
I think one of the tricky parts of having no regrets is choosing the things that matter. Those things can be *amazing experiences* like winning a starring role on Broadway, or something very simple and down to earth like taking a walk in the woods alone.
What's the saying? "Live, Love, Laugh." Simple directions, but not always simple to do.
By the way, if you don't discuss this opportunity with your husband, you will regret it...
It's been a fortunate circumstance of my life that I've been able to do so many of the things I wanted to do,so there aren't many regrets of that nature for me.
I really do know how insecure men can be CM.My advice is to broach the subject of going to England as soon as possible...give him time to get used to idea..Include him in the plans as much as possible,and CALL HIM EVERY DAY while you're there...You know,there are adventures that he and the kids can have in your absence that will make for some pretty good memories for them as well.
Am totally in the same frame of mind, GO!!!! and tell him soon.
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