How I spent my... Part III of IV

It is the night of Dec 25, 2006; about 10PM.
Things were going okay. I took the Christmas tree down, we had a quiet day at home and now we only need to pack and wait for our limo to take us to the airport.
My sister and father came over for brunch much earlier. My sister isn't doing so well; she seems to be going through some depression. They didn't stay very long, and actually, that was a good thing for us-- we would be leaving soon.

The limo would arrive at 3 AM; our flight was set to depart O’Hare at 6:45AM. The younger ones were packed and napping. I was working on packing. Our exchange student was ready to go—no sleep for us big kids, we were too excited.

Jim was already on some strong meds for the pain in his leg, but they didn't seem to be helping at all. I was just happy there is no blood clot so he could fly.

No, he didn’t get hurt at work,
No, it's not his back, it's his leg
No, it’s not getting any better
It's getting worse

As the limo arrives, Jim walks the six steps down to the car. Trouble. His can barely make it.
It looks like he is going to cry.
Shit.
This isn’t good.

When we get to the airport, we ask for a wheelchair and a nice young man came to wheel Jim around. We are on our way to California and my husband can hardly walk.

This is the time when my blog readers may become divided.

You see, I have waited almost two weeks to blog all this for a reason....

As I read through my personal journal
and read my thoughts about California
I looked deep inside my heart
hoping that as I reflected on our trip
I would change my mind about writing the next few paragraphs

I really wanted to see some things I missed and be able to blog about those more positive things

Gentle readers… it is not the case

My vacation sucked.

Yep, and it was because of my husband.

You see, my husband is a lousy fucking patient. He doesn’t like to be cared for when he is sick or injured and his "happy face" just makes everyone miserable.

I know he was really in pain, and I realize that sucked for him, but the truth of the matter is that his pain made my 4 days in California hell. I wish I could lie about and say it wasn’t so bad, but I can’t.

That’s not to say we didn’t see some great stuff, but I will remember this trip with more negative than positive things.

Rather than appreciating the fact that we were all together, and we were on vacation-- he resented being the wheelchair (we rented one for the week so he didn’t have to stay in the hotel as we walked in Hollywood and the beaches).

He also did his best to make me feel guilty about wanting to be alone at the end of the day. About needing some free time.

ARRRRGGGGG

It was the way he acted about his pain that really got to me. Rather than empathizing with him I could only feel hostility. I was mad at him.

I think I am finally getting over that, but it has been hard.

Husband – this sucks I’m in a wheel chair on vacation.
Mouse—this is awesome, you can join us on everything.

Husband – this is the definition of lame.
Mouse – you’re only lame if you allow yourself to feel that way.

Husband – watch the curbs, your going to toss me out of the chair.
Mouse – do you think this can do a wheelie?

Husband—it is too much trouble to go in and out of the store, I’ll wait outside
Mouse – fine, forget it, I won’t go in either.

That seemed to make him feel better
But it didn’t do much for me
So there went my vacation

In my real life, my job requires a lot of driving and a lot of hand holding. I wanted a few days to escape from that, but instead, that was all I did. I drove and I held his hand and I did the best I could.

Even when he said—"no go ahead without me", you know he didn’t mean it. And even if I went, I had to hurry back so he wouldn’t get more pissy or grumpy or sad or whatever.

So, 4 days. The kids had a great time. They enjoyed the walk of fame, and the ocean, and the Hollywood Sign and the studio tour. I think the exchange student had a good time. And yes, I enjoyed those things too. I just was stressed out… and if that wasn't enough... there was more to come..

To top it all off… we go to visit my mom in Fresno the day, before we head back to Chicago...
Oh yes... the end is near...