What is Rude?

We went to the theater yesterday. We took the kids to see Spamalot! Jim and I saw it pre-Broadway and really enjoyed it. This time around was great except for the guy in front of us. Gees I just hope he doesn't have season tickets. Let me set the stage.

Sunday matinee. Tons of kids and a guy selling Twislers and water walking around. So of course my kids get a snack. We really enjoyed the first half, although I have to admit they need to make a quite wrapper for Twislers! Try as I could, it just seemed like the package was really loud. Well, I thought, lucky it is a matinee and everyone around me has a Twislers too!

during intermission, we were approached by the guy sitting in front of us. He turned toward me and said-- "Are you folks done with your rappers? It is very annoying! This isn't the movies!"
I mentioned that there was no reason to be so rude about it and he could have turned around earlier if it was all that bad. I also mentioned we had children with us (thinking that maybe if he didn't have respect for himself or other adults that maybe he would tone it down in front of the kids.)

"I can see that!" He barked, "Haven't you ever been to a theater before?" My husband put his hand on my are and reminded me there is no winning with someone like this. "God Bless You" I said, and ended the conversation.

What really shocks me is that we are season ticket holders and have never had anything like this happen before. As a matter of fact, at little Women, the guy next to us gave my kids his jelly beans because he heard us mention the line was too long to get Twislers!

So was I rude because I had candy? Was he rude because he confronted me? Was I rude not to defend my children? Was it rude of him to make my children cry? -- On a side note, my children, 12 and 10 were very well behaved-- no kicking the seat, no talking between each other, no moving around behind this guy. But that didn't seem to matter. We had a fault-finder in front of us.

That is one nice thing about a small town, people really can't afford to be rude to each other. We take extra time to be nice, after all-- we see each other all the time! We could be nasty, but to what purpose? Out here, we let things go. We know it's not always worth a confrontation and we know -- thanks to the farmers-- you can catch more files with honey then you do with vinegar.

I guess that is my real problem. I know the candy was loud. I did my best to be quite. I took my children's wrappers when they were done-- so they wouldn't play with them. There had to be a better way for this to go.

What if it was me?

Well, we have sat next to seat kickers, criers, snorters and the like. I don't think anyone makes noise on purpose, so I don't ever mention it. They are not there trying to annoy me-- gees it's just not that big of a deal (again, it must be the small town living.) Of course I could fabricate a whole different city story--Candy confrontation ends in Knife fight at theater, 3 wounded.

I guess I just would have let it go, and I guess that is what in the long run I did.

The only thing I really regret about yesterday is that I didn't have a quick comeback. I have lived in this peaceful and tranquil town for so long that I am loosing my sarcastic touch. So, to satisfy my primal fight urge, here are a few come back lines you can use if you find yourself in the same situation.

"No, I'm not finished with my candy. Why would you like some?"

"Yes the packages are loud, I did every thing I could to keep them quite and it just seemed to get louder and louder. The irony is incredible, isn't it? Here you are so angry and upset over the noise and here I am so embarrassed. I felt like Lucille Ball or Carol Barnet in a bad skit! It's just a good thing we all enjoy humor! Look on the bright side of life and all that!" (I think this response would have been best done with some type of foreign accent, just to get the point across)

"Where is the camera? Am I on TV? Your acting like someone in a bad reality show!"

"Wow!! Do you kick puppies too?"

"Watch carefully children--this is called EGO. It is usually demonstrated by men with a small penis. They pick on people like women and children to show how brave they are as to compensate for their shortcomings"

"Okay, be honest, was it you who was annoyed, or your wife and she just doesn't have the courage to say anything on her own?"

"We have been to the theater before, we just usually find a better class of people sitting by us!"

"We are in the theater? By the way you are acting I thought this was a street corner."
(I think I like this one best)

"Okay kids-- this man is troubled and needs our prayers-- lets join hands and sing kum by ya and pray for him!'

"Well, it was eat the candy or pass out on top of you due to low blood sugar, and that would have stopped the show-- having to call the rescue squad and all-- oh ya, that is a lot less disturbing than a candy bar wrapper"

"Are candy bar wrappers as annoying as rude people at the theater?"

"Next time, you may want to attend the 7PM show-- a better class of people you know"

"Jim, be sure to key his car on the way out"

"Jim, stand up and tell this guy to apologize to your wife"

I hope those will help you if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

peace