The economy has taken a toll on my family. I know we have it so much better than so many others, but with the kids and the bills and the job and wondering how many hours they will let me work and how many hours they will let my husband work... it is depressing.
But what the down turn has really done is stolen my creativity. My ability to think has been subtitled with an obsessive worry and depression.
I use to have thoughts and my new job has sucked the that right out of my head. being a drone is so much better than questioning things. Don't rock the boat or it will capsize on top of you hit you on top of the head and cause you to drown in a sea of unemployment and foreclosure and bankruptcy.
So I work long hours at a mindless job where they love me. I work a second job in Real Estate that doesn't seem to do much other than make me happy when there are customers around -- even if they don't have a chance in hell of buying or selling. With all this working the things that were important to me have fallen to the way side. Less time to volunteer, to read, to study, to write. The house is always a mess. Well it use to be a busy mess -- you just put something down because you have pick that up and run. Now it is a dirty dishes, unfolded laundry and stuff growing in the fridge because I just don't think it matters anyway-- no on cares, or at least I don't.
I spent Lent re-reading the Purpose Driven Life. I made it about 3/4th of the way a few years back. I got stuck on the chapter about building relationship. I am now past that. I know that the relationships I build may not be like others. It may be a word or a note -- my relationships don't have to be this big elaborate things that others have. I am just not that person and it is okay that God made me this way.
The point is I was hoping to find some inspiration over the Lent. Some peace. I didn't. I feel just as numb as I did.
So for me, I'm going to try something new. I am going to try to write again. I hope that my thoughts will flow and make me happy. And if not, well at least I'm not just working to survive, I am breathing and thinking, and I miss that.
5 comments:
Oh, Mouse...keep on writing--it will help!! :)
The economy has been hard on everyone, and it's always hard when you start worrying about money, etc. (Believe me, I know! :) )
Have I recommended "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer to you before? It really helped me when I was at a low point...it's slow reading at first, but gets better and better as you read it.
Good luck and God Bless, Mouse...I'll be praying for you. :)
I have a few books by Dyer, but not that one. I think I may have to pick that up. Thank you... and I truly appreciate the prayers
Think of writing as a way to document history.
This really is a time of historical significance,and the first person accounts,for better and worse,are going to be a valuable resource in the future.
what a nice thing to think about.. my life as a historical document.. did you ever see that movie Galaxy Quest???
Mouse--I'm glad to hear that you got that book--just remember that although it is a little "thick" at first, it really gets interesting--at least I thought so. :)
Also, have you seen the movie "The Shift" yet? It stars Dr. Dyer and Portia de Rossi (I know, interesting combination), and is a WONDERFUL, meaningful, inspirational movie. I highly recommend it!! :)
Post a Comment