Having kids is too hard.
Letting them go is too hard.
I was fine, until we said goodbye. I stood by the door of the large cabin, watching him sweep the floor with the other 12 young men who would become his family over the next 8 weeks.
I saw something I never saw before, I saw my boy as a young man. He wasn't picking on his sister or picking his nose. He was working, holding his own. He fit in well-- he didnt look like the little kid in the crowd, he looked like a the future and everything that is encourgaing and hopeful about tomorrow.
It was hard to let the door close behind me. I still get that burning in the pit of my stomach and the lump in my throat when I picture him in my minds eye. Sweeping and working and listening.
It is too hard to let them go. Heed my warning those of you without children--- it is a heartache no one can explain. One with such pain that you don't think you can go on. And yet the pride some how says you must... if nothing else for the daughter who is still at home, still learning and growing-- You have to wait for her to break your heart too.
4 comments:
That was achingly lovely mouse.
8 weeks isn't really all that long,but you'll find him much older when he comes home.
It's the nature of things.
Mouse, I pray that those 8 weeks will go by quickly for you...
And alas, this doesn't convince me not to want kids. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. :)
Its called motherhood.... and its a wise mum who loves and appreciates her kids in the present as you do. Thats all we ever have. Mine left home totally at 17 around 1994 and I still talk to them almost daily - it broke my heart when they went, but they came back and went again and came back ec - they won't come back now as they are married/ partners.... but the love is even stronger now I know them as women in their own right. Am so proud of the peole they become.
But there'd be something wrong if you didn't feel sad - its just time passing and new phases beginning. You have a right to your grief and all of that - just do what you are doing and be kind to yourself.
The Child will be going away on a mission trip next month...just for one week and consequently it's not going to evoke quite what your seperation will but still...that whole, "when did he/she get so grown up" thing is hitting me a lot lately.
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