Be the person you need in your life.

Isn't it amazing how a simple gesture of kindness can change what you are  feeling at the moment? What is even more surprising is how you can take that change, bring it further forward, and make even greater changes today and maybe even tomorrow.

Here is a personal example. I received a private message from someone who truly knows me. At one time, I would have called her my best friend and she may have even called me the same. She knows me so well that she no longer trusts me. She has every right not to trust me. You see, I wasn't always the best friend to her that I could have been. I let her down. I let her down one too many times.  I was preoccupied, and I fucked up our friendship.  We still keep in touch online, but she will not let me back into her life for good reason -- I burned her. It is the truth.  I look back at my decisions and some were justified and others were not.  I can totally see her point of view.  I may have well done the same thing if I was as strong of a person. I totally respect her decision, and know I am the one missing out.

Anywho.. she sent to me, in a private message, a meme. This meme

And she said, it reminded her of me.  

This is what I woke up to on a Sunday morning before church. The second Sunday of the new year, because the first Sunday was New Years day.  It got me reflecting. It got me thinking and drinking and talking to myself.  The meme, this gift from a wonderful friend, made me decide something important.  From this moment on, I will be the hero I need. 

The mom I need. 

The dad I need. 

The grandma I need.  

When I talk to myself, I will use encouraging words - the kind words I use with others all the time, but that I tend to be selfish with in my self talk.   

I will give myself good advice -- the kind I would give my son or daughter or best friend (depending on the circumstances).  

I will forgive myself, I will encourage my soul and my intelligence and my creativity. I will rely on God and the Spirit and the Everlasting Energy of the universe like I tell everyone else they should. Realizing I don't say this to the people I care about to seem superior or to be superficial or otherwise blow smoke up their ass - so why should I treat myself with any less care or dignity? 

This is the year I will remember, thanks to how I fucked up in the past, that I don't have to fuck up in the future.  However, if I do fuck up, it does not mean that I am fucked up. 

I don't have to deny the hero I am. I can be that hero to other and still be a hero to myself. It can happen simultaneously. I have had a revelation. The blinders have been removed.  I do not have to choose between the world and me. We are one.