Did you know that Presbyterians believe in predetermination? 

 It isn't the "God planned it all out so that it doesn't matter cause he already knows the outcome" predetermination. 

It is the "Oh these kids! Well, let's see how we can fit their crazy free will back into this grand plan and get them back on track because it is about the BIG PICTURE and they play an important roll"

Some days, I wish I could see His plan, so I could know if I was doing it correctly. I feel so empty and lost sometimes.  I do what I can to keep positive, but I can't help but feel I should be doing something better, bigger or at least more of what I am doing now.

Sometimes I think I am just going through the motions.  I admit, it was easier to be happy when we had the bills paid and extra money in the bank.  I had the time and the money to back projects and things I thought were important. 

Well, I still try to do that now.  I try to post positive things, even when I don't feel all that positive.  I try to focus at work on the kids and schools I help, not on the sales.  I have a blast reading cards for folks and I am always humbled when they say I did a great job. I am going to make some calls for the Democrats next week because I think it is important -- even though I don't know if it really will do any good, but it is what I believe in.

I know, that even in less than great times, God is with me.  I know that the universe is FOR me, not against me!  I am truly blessed in so many ways, I just want to be able to do what I need to do to help the BIG PICTURE along.