Wondering generality

My life seems to be a "wondering generality" not a "meaningful specific".

I have no real goals anymore, I just seem to go trough the motions.  

When I do have what seems like a great idea, things like money, time or some bureaucrat stops me in my tracks. 

I use to be able to plunge ahead -- sometimes without thought to consequences -- to achieve lofty goals.

I don't know if I am paralyzed by fear, or stymied by  a lack of goals, or both.

What I do know is that the lack of passion has seeped into my pores, has  gotten into my blood stream and being recycled out again into a perspiration of dispar.

I cannot recall feeling like this before.  If I have, I guess I am blessed that it was so long ago.  I read what is going on in the world,  and what is not going on in the world, I am coming to conclusion that what I feel right now is what is called "normal".  

It sucks.

I don't want to be normal.  I want to be extraordinary.